I am cutting back a bit on blog posts because I want to post quality over quantity. Plus, if I were to keep doing the day-to-day posts, I would quickly run out of interesting things to talk about. So there it is.
I have been doing well with my water challenge! Friday went well and I successfully spread out the drinking of the gallon throughout my workday, leading to a less-urgent arrival at home. Yesterday - Sunday - I did the same thing, and though it was condensed a little in the evening I got my gallon in. Hooray for hydration!
What else happened? I went to my support group again. I now think of it as "my" support group because I really feel at home there and know that there are people that understand what it is to be addicted.
It is an addiction. When I see a food that I want, I will gorge myself on it until I am stuffed beyond comfort, beyond full - to the point of which I am in physical pain and discomfort. Its not just *one thing* though, but multiple...anything that strikes my fancy in the moment. I have had bouts where I will literally buy a large jar of pickles and go to town on them. I recall a specific incident where I purchased a container of habanero-stuffed olives and ate them while my stomach was hurting, just because I had no self control. I am a compulsive overeater.
It is an issue of self-control too. I need to focus hardcore on this aspect of my life. But along with that, I need to start looking into the causes and reasons for my eating this way.
As I mentioned before, I thought initially that I am a big guy (I HATE the f-word, along with the o-word) because I like food. But it really is attached to an emotion so much so that it goes along with whatever I am feeling.
Happy? Let's celebrate with food.
Sad? Let's eat our sadness.
Angry? Take it out on a meal.
Bored? Food to the rescue!
Food is not a solution, it is a substitute for underlying issues. Maybe a big part of that is how I am insecure with my looks. My wife constantly tells me that I am handsome and, while I believe she thinks it, I feel far from it. Is that maybe attached to anxiety? Fear of judgement? Is it easier to berate myself and get down on myself so that my expectations are already in the basement before someone else has a chance to put it there?
Wow, writing is fascinating. It gives me a chance to plow through a thought stream uninterrupted and my mind is led to things I had not considered before.
ON TO OTHER THINGS!
Today I did some awesome cooking for the week - I will be starting to do "Recipe Mondays" where I try to post a recipe for the week along with the cooking process!
I am doing well on meal planning for this weekend, keeping on track with healthy options as opposed to unhealthy ones...so things continue to remain on track!
Have a fantastic Memorial Day and safe weekend.
Keep on walkin'
You have come to many conclusions quickly that it takes others a long time to discover. It has made me think about my issues. Thanks for sharing your journey. I look forward to reading more.
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